Anonymous asked 6 years ago
The night was cold; especially on the floor of the empty subway. My mind seemed to wander away from sleep and my eyes rested on the steady candlelight that flickered across the room. I did not know how long I had been staring at the light- but I did know that although the strong gusts of wind threatened the flames very existence; the flame fought to burn. It reminded me of what I did every day. I was fighting to survive and living through the burns.
The flame was not the only thing that caught my eye. It was Faust. I watch as his eyes stare intently at the burning flame. His candle, as always, is the last light to go out every night. Lying on the ground, close to me is Stellara. Her thin and frail body shivers against mine, trying to absorb as much warmth as she can. Tonight, unlike any other nights, my mind seems to wander and keep me awake.
Nicholas
You did switch between past tense and present tense, which should not be done in this case. I think there was too much happening at once. Focus more on one thing at a time, and I think your writing will be more engaging.