Updated March 17, at 8:05pm

Analysis of a Story

Characters:

TC: Main character (Female)/narrator. Aggressive type delivers mail but has a passion for

basketball which she steered away from being so busy with work

Samantha: TC’s girlfriend feminine type, police officer

Jay: TC’s guy best friend, real ladies man but has secrets

Crystal: TC’s first love beautiful woman tan complexion has a 4 year old

Jenna: TC’s side girl that TC kinda likes she likes TC a lot but holds back

Jade: Samantha’s side lover aggressive type

Carly: Jay’s girlfriend (transvestite)

Susan: Carlys cousin

Moe: Crystal’s girlfriend agressive type

John: Moe”s/Marly’s boyfriends

TC outside delivering mail

“Hello?”
“Hey Puta was sup, what you doing?”
“Hey Jay, nothing at work was sup with you?”
“I got a hot date tonight and…”
“Let me guess you need me to go and double up with you right?”
“Ha yea if you can.”
“Yea I got you what time?”
“Let’s say around 8ish.”
“Ok cool.”

Man I never learn my lesson I’m going to go out with this kid and wifey is going to kill me. It’s really hot out here lucky thing I’m almost done. You probably wondering who I am, well the name is TC and that was my best friend jay on the phone, I’ll explain his story in a few but first a little about me. Well right now I’m 28 years old and I’ve been delivering mail for a year now.
I kind of messed up my career after moving from California to New York. Because I wanted to be with a student, yes a student. It all happened about 10 years ago I graduated high school star basketball player entered college star basketball player with a scholarship. I majored in chemistry and minored in education. I graduated top of my class and was the player of the year all four years. I was offered the opportunity to go pro but I wanted to get my masters so I turned it down. At 22 I started working in a high school teaching a 12th teaching I played ball every now and then, coached the girls’ basketball team and worked on my
masters. Oh my goodness this damn phone…

“Hello?”

“Hey babe how’s work?”

“It’s ok I got about 2 hrs to go then I can relax.”

“Well that’s good timing right?”

“Yea I’m just trying to relax already I’m so tired with all the over time I’ve been getting. Anyway

was sup with you? What you up to?”

“Oh nothing much I got the day off so I’m just cleaning up and I was going to ask if you want me

to bring you lunch.”

“Sure babe that would be great. Well let me finish up I’ll see you in a few…love you.”

Guess at Grade
c
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22

What to Work on:

  • Content: Balancing dialogue and description. Also, knowing how to set a scene. Showing, and not telling.
  • Grammar: Not enough punctuation.

Your statistic:

50%
Grammar
80%
Organization
80%
Style
50%
Content
100%
Research

Customer feedback

All comments
  • All
  • Grammar
  • Organization
  • Style
  • Content
  • Research
  • Originality
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
grammar

Needs more punctuation. See our guide on punctuation: http://academichelp.net/general-writing-tips/grammar-handbook/punctuation-a-quick-overview.html

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Grammar

Needs more punctuation.

Show more
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
grammar, content

Needs more punctuation and to be more specific. Check out our guide on clarity: http://academichelp.net/general-writing-tips/essentials/clarity.html

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Grammar

Needs more punctuation.

Show more
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Grammar

Needs more punctuation.

Show more
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Grammar

Needs more punctuation.

Show more
Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
grammar

Misspelling. See our guide on misspelling for more help: http://academichelp.net/general-writing-tips/essentials/avoid-misspelling.html

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Content

You need to indicate who is talking if this is a script. But if it is not a script, we still have no idea who is talking.

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
content

It is better not to narrate like this: Show instead of tell the readers what is happening. Reading a story should not be like a history lesson. See our guide on the essentials of writing for more help: http://academichelp.net/general-writing-tips/good-writing.html

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Grammar

Needs more punctuation.

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Andrew Takada Jan 26, at 15.22
warning
Content

On the whole: It may not be good to start the story from random dialogue. Set a scene and let us get absorbed in the story. At this point of this story, I have no idea where the people are talking and why.

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