There is a saying that there is no bigger enemy to a man than a man himself. This saying is fair for all genders though; indeed, no one can affect your life as much as you can do yourself – both in a positive or a negative way. All of us have at least once met people who would have nice jobs, pleasant appearances, fulfilled lives – but who are chronically displeased with themselves, would tend to criticize or understate themselves, or to seek and find flaws in whatever they do. Such people create obstacles in their own way – so one might say they are enemies of themselves; and the most common reason for such a destructive behavior is low self-esteem.
What people think about themselves seems to be based on facts, and we have got used to think that we can trust our visions of who we are – but in fact, these are nothing more than opinions, and these opinions can be wrong. Such opinions usually exist as statements, stationed in our subconscious and affects the way people consciously think and act. When these opinions are positive (“I am good,” “I am worthwhile,” I am creative,” “I am loved and respected”) a person has more confidence in themselves, is less prone to stress and self-ostracism, and tends to deal with life complications better; however, if the set of subconscious opinions is negative, a person may experience various difficulties in their life – and the larger part of these difficulties they create for themselves (IFR).
Low self-esteem does not strike a person out of the blue. Reasons exist in a person’s past that lead to the formation of negative beliefs. Usually, low self-esteem has higher chances to develop in a person if he or she was punished systematically in their childhood; alienated from peers at school, misunderstood, or did not meet certain standards; was openly abused or neglected; were an object of someone’s else frustration and distress; was deprived of warmth and interest; belonged to an ostracized social group, and so on (Overcoming). The potential reasons are numerous, and foreseeing them all in the process of parenting is impossible; however, parents should do everything possible to minimize the risks. Other possible risk factors are illness or injury, culture or religion, the way other people react to a person, and even mass media messages (Mayo Clinic).
So, how does one know their self-esteem is low? There are certain patterns in which people with the regarded problem think and act. The whole list of how they manage to hurt themselves would probably be too long for an academic paper, but generally a person with low self-esteem tends to withdraw from social activities; feels constant anxiety, severe changes of mood, and shyness; feels like they fail to socialize – a situation of direct communication may cause stuttering, blushing, and so on. People with low self-esteem cannot be helped simply by giving them cheering compliments – they do not believe them, and fail to accept them, since they tend to focus only on their negative sides. Also, cases of eating disorders, orientation on the opinions of surrounding people, depression, and reluctance to do anything connected to socialization are more frequent among people with low self-esteem (self-confidence.co.uk).
Is there a way out? Yes, and it might be more obvious than what many people probably think. The trick is that people with low self-esteem are actually incredibly confident about themselves – in their worthlessness, to be exact. For some reason, they believe that only their negative images of themselves are true, and tend to doubt in any positive signals about their personalities. Therefore, one of the methods to deal with the problem might be to actually raise these people’s uncertainty: why shouldn’t they start doubting in their negative affirmations as well? This might be the first step towards a turnaround: when a person treats their negative beliefs critically, it is easier for them to turn to a healthier self image. Yet another way might be to quit trying to affect self-esteem directly, and find a bypass; since self-esteem is rather often affected by what we do, success in certain spheres of life might lead to a boost of self-esteem as a happy side-effect (self-confidence.co.uk).
The problems people with low self-esteem imagine exist mostly within their own heads, and have little to do with reality. Mostly developed as a result of traumatizing experiences in childhood, low self-esteem can prevent a person from engaging in collective environments, and enjoying social communications. However, if a person starts to evaluate their negative self-beliefs more critically, and focuses on real life activities, their self-esteem might turn to a brighter side.
“Understanding Low Self-Esteem.” Overcoming. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
“Self-esteem Check: Too Low or Just Right?” Mayo Clinic. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
“Top Ten Facts about Low Self Esteem.” Confidence.co.uk. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
Doe, John. “Low Self-Esteem.” IFR. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Oct. 2015.
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