How Not to Write Expository Essays

By Nicholas Klacsanzky

funny essay writingExpository essays are among the most frequently assigned papers, both in high school and in college. In my opinion, it’s also one of the easiest possible writing tasks. And I just don’t get how people can mess it up. Based on multiple depressing experiences, I’ve prepared the following for your sake…

The Wrong Way to Write Expository Essays

  1. Choose the broadest topic you can think of. For example, if you like astronomy, a possible topic could be, “The History of Universe.” Can something be better than showing your vast and diverse knowledge? Besides, the broader your topic is, the more things you can write about.
  2. Find one credible source that you think contains everything you need to write a paper that matches the minimal word amount requirements.
  3. Copy-paste material you think is useful. Do not forget to cite your source sometimes, to avoid being blamed for plagiarism. But don’t be too concerned about it – who cares about plagiarism anyways?
  4. If you want to look smart and cool, but feel too lazy to go to a library or browse the Internet, simply invent some sources. It is fun, and besides no one will know if you lied or not. With fake sources, you can write anything you want, and feel that your rears are covered.
  5. Make your thesis statement vague. When you compose clear thesis statements, teachers start being picky, like, “Your arguments don’t match your thesis statement,” or “Your conclusion neither proves nor denies your thesis statement.” But, when it’s vague, you can make any arguments fit in, and write any conclusion you want.
  6. Drafts are for nerds, and you have more important things to do. When you finally find some time to write an essay or two the day before they must be submitted, don’t waste these precious minutes on drafting–write all your essays at once.
  7. Formatting is boring. You don’t need to format anything. Trust me.

Here are just some of the guidelines for writing “decent” expository essays. Stay updated with our blog for more useful info!


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