List of I need help to know if this short story is good.

QuestionsCategory: QuestionsI need help to know if this short story is good.
Alex Castaneda asked 5 years ago



There was a snowman named Carl. Carl was in high school, but he was the new kid this year he didn’t know any of the other snowmen and it was almost time for the school’s annual winter ball. Which he was looking forward to go with his friends and this one girl that was special to him. Right up until he left and now he’s just an outcast at his school until later in the day a group of people asked him if he would like to play a game of basketball during phys-ed. Carl said “Sure why not, I don’t know anybody here.”So during P.E Carl played basketball and they all introduced themselves and Carl was happier than he’s been since he’s moved to this school. The next day Carl went to go hang out with his new friends and they invited him to go to a birthday party at the local bowling alley, Carl accepted the invitation and when they all arrived there Carl ran into someone he’d thought he would never see again it was his best friend Kenny from his old school , Kenny said “ Long time no see Carl! I just moved here last night and I thought maybe I’d come and see how this bowling alley was.” Carl was so happy to see a familiar face, he gave Kenny a bro hug and they caught up with each other for a few minutes and Carl asked him “Do you wanna come bowling with us?” Kenny replied with excitement”Sure I would like to!” There’s one thing you should know about snowmen bowling occasionally someone’s arm always come off and it was Keegan’s arm from my new school that had his arm come off, and everyone was laughing even Keegan was too because it happens to everyone at some point. “Tonight was the best”, said Carl, but he spoke to soon because his sister showed up at the bowling and said “Hey Carl can you take me to the bathroom please?” Carl was embarrassed that his sister showed up and his friends started laughing at him. Later that night they were all walking around town and having a great time telling jokes making each other laugh. The next day was the day of the “Winter Ball” for his school and Carl, Kenny,Keegan, and the rest of the group decide that they should do something before they go to the Ball. Carl looked at his watch and it said that it was 5:00am, Carl looked at everyone and said “I think I know what we can do since the Ball doesn’t start till 9:00pm, we can all go paintballing!” “I heard that the paintball arena in town is supposed to be pretty good”, said Keegan. So the entire group, which was about 7-8 people in total walked about another 1 ½ to the paintball arena. It would’ve taken less time, but we were all hungry, so we stopped by McDonald’s to get some breakfast. When we got to the paintball arena there was a 8v8 team tournament and since there was eight of them they all signed up as a team. Also since they were a team they got a huge discount on gear and paintballs. Kenny was looking around at the different teams that are competing and realized that one team had a lot of logos on their gear. He thought to himself “I wonder if that team is sponsored and if they are, we’re in trouble”, Carl looked at Kenny and said “Hey don’t worry about them, they’re in a different bracket than us so we’ll be fine!” Kenny was able to relax but all of them started thinking, “what happens to us when we get shot because snowman’s arms can come off while bowling is it similar to that?” They stopped thinking about that because then they remembered that they can just attach whatever came off. The team is now in the finals against the team with logos Keegan and Kenny both looked terrified, but the rest of the team just started laughing because of how scared they looked because they’ve never seen them so scared. It was go time and they all went to go find a place to hide and sneak around to have a chance at winning, but that didn’t last long because the other team had the same idea and opened fire taking everyone out except Carl,Kenny,and Keegan because they made a strategic decision to avoid that fight. Carl knew that some of the other team got out as well because there are screens around the arena and it said that it’s a 3v4 match now. Carl looked at his watch and saw that it was almost 7:00pm and thought to himself “We got to make this quick so that we can make it in time for the Winter Ball at school.” So they came up with a plan for Kenny to distract the other team so that the other two can take them out. They waited about 5min. Then they heard footsteps coming towards them so Kenny grabbed his paintball gun and started yelling and shooting at them while Carl and Keegan started shooting as well. Next thing they heard was an air horn signalling that the tournament was over and that they won. They celebrated with a few liters of soda, but they soon realized that they gotta run back to town and get ready for the ball. They started running back to town and everyone grabbed their suits from their houses and ran over to Keegan’s house to get ready because they wanted to get a group photo before the Ball. When they got to the Ball they walked in as a group and just started to dance and have fun because they didn’t have dates, but they had each other and that was enough for them. Until it’s the slow songs started coming on because they didn’t have dates so they went to go sit down, but the girls started noticing that they didn’t have a dance partner and neither did they so eight girls walked up to them and asked “Would you guys like to dance with us?” Carl was in shock as well as the rest of the guys, but Kenny got up and said “Yes we would love to”, so everyone got up to go dancing. After the Ball all the guys and the girls they danced with went to a restaurant and had a little dinner, Carl thought to himself, “that this was a great way to end the night”.

1 Answers
Nicholas Staff answered 5 years ago

To get such comprehensive feedback, use our service Analyze:


Register | Lost your password?